


Halo

by orphan_account



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Destroy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Garrus POV, Hurt/Comfort, Oneshot, Songfic, follows ME3 plotline, pure fucking fluff, some cannon divergence, sticks mostly to the plot, would be G fic but just some heavy topics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4223586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SongFic for Halo by Starset (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01BsH0p_T8c)</p><p>Lyrics in italics.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Halo

_I can see you running (running), running (running)._

_Every night from the same darkness._

The first night he spent in Shepard's cabin with her was a celebration. She had come and whisked him off Meane to fight alongside her. There was also the issue of the primarch but it was obvious Shepard was relieved to have Garrus back on board. The following night he got a com from EDI telling Garrus that he should probably go see if Shepard was alright. Apparently EDI picked up a startling shift in vitals and that's all the information Garrus needed before he bolted upstairs to his girlfriend's side.

On the original mission to fight the collectors, Shepard's nightmares had been bad but nothing to this level. Something was haunting his Commander and it was something neither of them could fight.

"Garrus," Shepard called out into the darkness and Garrus hacked open the door to her cabin.

"Shepard. EDI sent me, you, something about your vitals and I," Garrus found himself fumbling over his words as he made his way to her bed. 

"It was just a nightmare," Shepard replied softly, guiding Garrus into her arms and holding on to him.

"Do you want me to stay?" Garrus asked, instinctively wanting to be there for her.

"I would like that."

And that's how the cycle started. How those nights of Shepard waking up sweating, tears rolling down her eyes began. And Garrus swore to himself he would never leave her.

_It's coming (coming), coming (coming)._

_But you are not alone_

_If you just say the word I'll be there by your side_

Garrus didn't need to sleep as much as Shepard did. He could stay awake, carding his talons through her hair as comfort while she tossed and turned. Occasionally she would wake up sweating, eyes wet with unshed tears. It tore Garrus up on the inside. There wasn't anything Garrus could do to stop the nightmares. But he could be there after, he could hold her, make her feel like she wasn't alone.

It was obvious to him that she felt weak. That she felt vulnerable on these nights.

"I feel like a child again," Shepard sobbed, her face buried in his chest. Garrus rumbled and held her close.

"It's alright to need comfort, you can't fight everything on your own Shepard."

"It's embarrassing. I'm a grown woman Garrus, I shouldn't be breaking apart like this." 

"It's not a sign of weakness Shepard, it's a sign you're still human."

_You make me more_

_You make me superhuman_

_And if you need me to_

_I will save you_

Sometimes Shepard would freeze during battles. Sometimes she'd seem to short-circuit. And here, here on the battlefield he could protect her. Shooting down droves of enemies before diving into the throng of enemies, dropping them with sprays from his assault rifle. Sure there was always someone else on the battlefield with them, but it was Garrus' duty to protect his commander. Shepard was everything to him and nothing could ever change that. Garrus wouldn't allow it. 

When she would snap out of her episodes she'd look at Garrus with eyes full of fear. It broke his heart. She was fighting something deep inside of herself and Garrus didn't know how to help her. It was as if she was somewhere he just couldn't reach. But he wouldn't be scared away. This was his Shepard and if she was fighting, he was too. He'd be anything and everything she'd needed, or at least do his best. And if that meant being punched at out of fear, desperation, anguish, and pain, he'd take it. If that meant being woken up by screams, fear tearing through his body as he woke his girlfriend, he'd take it. If this meant taking the weight of the galaxy so it wouldn't eat away at the person who mattered most to him, he'd take it. Garus would do anything to help his commander, his best friend, his girlfriend...his universe.

 _Se_ _nd out the signal and I'll fly low_

_If it means the death of me_

_I won't let go_

Shepard sometimes locked him out of her life. Locked herself up and didn't talk. There were nights where she was right there but still she was light years away.

Post-traumatic stress disorder. That's what Chakwas called it. There were meds that Shepard refused to take, things she refused to face; but Shepard could deny everything going on but Garrus would hold her, take care of her. He found ways to sneak her meds into her food. It was a little on the deceptive side but these are things Shepard needed. He could see the change in sleep, the slight changes in the way she held herself.

It wouldn't heal her but at least she couldn't turn to dust in Garrus' hands. 

And that meant Garrus could hold her--bare skin to bare plates--and sing her lullabies deep in his sub-harmonics. He could be there to cradle her against him as if his plated skin could somehow also protect Shepard from whatever she was battling.

_And if I'm lost in the worlds shadows_

_I'll use the light that comes to me_

_From your halo_

Garrus hadn't slept in his own bunk in months. He spent all his extra time up here with Shepard. He found ways to calibrate from her cabin. It seemed to calm Shepard, the constant company of a companion she could trust. The worries of earlier dissolved into trust and understanding. Towards the end of the war Shepard seemed to brighten.  She held herself higher, with more bounce in her step.

The way Shepard commanded those around her and herself made Garrus' heart flutter. He was so far gone for his commander.

"I want to marry you Vakarian," Shepard said, staring up at him with wide eyes. "I want to come back to you after all this shit is over. I want to have something official. I mean, even if we didn't get married I'd still love you until the end of time but--"

She was rambling on and Garrus broke her train of thought off with a kiss. "Yes, I would love to. There's not anything I would love more in this world."

_When you're backed against the wall I_

_could be the one who's always there to break your fall_

__You_   _are not alone__

 "I don't know how we're going to win," Shepard admitted one night. "I just don't think we're going to beat this. I mean, we've done some impossible things but I just don't know if we can beat this one."

"Even if we don't win we're going to go out with guns blazing. I cannot promise you victory Shepard but I can promise you love, I can promise you that we'll go out together on wings of glory," Garrus murmured, cradling his tiny human in his arms as tears streaked down her face.

"I want to be your wife before we go into this final mission. I know it can't be much of a ceremony, but I don't want to die without having married the love of my life. It's so cliché but at least I can die knowing I didn't not to get to do this," Shepard laughed a soft, airy laughed and Garrus sighed.

"You're a strange one, but we can do that. And once we get through this we'll have the best wedding ceremony this side of the galaxy."

"Thank you Garrus. For everything. For being the true hero of this galaxy."

_You're the sun, you're the day_

_The light that guides me through_

"You gotta get outta here."

"And you've gotta be kidding me."

"Don't argue Garrus."

"We're in this til the end!"

"No matter what happens here...you know that I love you. I always will."

"Shepard, I...love you too," he couldn't fight her. He couldn't, held in Tali's arms, his whole body aching. He wanted. He hated to see her run off like this. He needed to watch her six. He felt useless just leaning off his friend while watching his wife run off to save the world. She could die. She could die and he would live and he would never forgive him. It would be as though all the stars in the galaxy turned off and he was left in the pitch black of the universe. But the Normandy was already moving and Garrus had abandoned her. 

_Never run, run away_

_I will save you_

_Send out the signal and I'll fly low_

They found her alive, but just barely. It soon became evident that Shepard would never wake up. And if she did her body would never work without the help of many machines. 

Garrus came too long after they found her body. He was the last one to say goodbye. He had feared it, feared seeing her like that. She wouldn't hated him for it. And he tried, he tried so hard to help with the war, with rebuilding. However, her just couldn't do it, not with the love of his life breathing through the help of many machines. It wasn't Shepard, this was everything Shepard feared. She feared that her body would one day not be hers, that she would become less than human.

"Oh Shepard, I should've followed you up. I should've been there. I could've saved you, I could've.." Garrus' voice cracked as he balled his fists into the sheets. The sound of machines was drowning out his thoughts. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't lose this thing he had found. This was too much.

He had to leave, there was nothing here for him. Shepard wouldn't wake up and even with all the medicine in the world there was nothing to be done.

Later that night Shepard was taken off life support.

And Garrus found himself on Earth. At the spot where the Citadel crashed. He waded through the debris, looking for something--anything. And in the light of the moon and his flashlight, Garrus found it. Against all odds, he found it. The sobs that escaped him were deafening to his own ears. 

"I'm here Shepard, I am here and I will not leave you alone again," he choked, falling to his knees. This was his last stand, just like it had been hers. 

 _If_ _it means the death of me_

_I won't let go_

_And if I'm lost in the worlds shadows_

__I'll_ _ _use the light that comes to me_

_From your halo_

The light was blinding and suffocating, but there was something so...comforting about it. Garrus reached for it, flailing like he would a dying man reaching for life. He wanted it, wanted whatever that bliding comfort was.

And he felt it. Felt her arms around him like a blanket.

"Garrus," her voice was just like he remembered and he keened as the light enveloped him.

"You left this Shepard," he managed, looking up at his wife. She was as beautiful in death as she had been in life. In fact, she seemed so much happier, so lighter here. Was she younger? It seemed as though age had been washed from her. Garrus' heart sang, his sub-harmonics singing joy to the heavens. Her eyes sparkled with the smile that curled her lips. She was an angel. She had come to take Garrus home. She was  **his** angel.

"What did I leave?" Shepard cocked her head, looking at him a little confused. Garrus laughed, realizing he had been too busy ogling his wife to open his talons.

"This," he murmured, opening his hand to reveal the wedding ring he had dug up from the crash site. 

"Oh Garrus," there were tears rolling down Shepard's cheeks as Garrus slipped it onto her hand. "Yes. Oh, I was wondering where I'd put that."

"Are you angry with me?" Garrus asked, covering her hand with his two.

"Why in god's name would I be angry?" Shepard laughed, her smile bright and blinding.

"I was a coward, I took my own life because I couldn't handle losing you," Garrus whined, his sub-harmonics warbling.

"You weren't. You did your part Garrus and I've done mine. Now get up off your knees, your mother hasn't stopped bothering me since I got here."


End file.
